I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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