I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
