I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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