New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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