I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
