her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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