fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize