Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
