I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
