Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
