so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.