He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.