oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?