can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night