I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.