end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I supernannyed him into submission
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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