dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
