Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
