I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
