I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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