Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
