just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
