just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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