I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she told me i tasted like america
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
