if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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