Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I looked at my own cervix.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
