True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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