just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This girl is more easily done than said...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
