2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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