I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
