I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize