I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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