my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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