R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
