I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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