conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
