I am puke
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
