The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
