Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
