so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I understand Curling. That high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
