You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
