i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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