Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
