Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
