I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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