Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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