i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
