high people should be assigned attendants
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
