Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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