It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
