"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After tacos, we're chasing women.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
