This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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