You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
