I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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