I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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