i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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