well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
