Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
