Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize