Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
