didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
