last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
